hey guys, its been awhile. As I was typing this on my phone,I realized how I badly needed this time to release all the thoughts that has been locked up this year. 2020 is so f*cked up in so many ways that I honestly feel that going back to my usual seems just an ideal.
Back on the first quarter of the year, I realized that writing is something I would have wanted to continue growing in as I explore my skills and capabilities in freeing my thoughts through words. But as days passed, turned into months, I find that I seriously have no free time to even write a single paragraph nor fill my schedule for a blog post. Time passes and I honestly completely forgot my goals that I set for myself and my blogging earlier this year. So I am back with some thoughts regarding self love that I have learned in this toxic days.
“Self-love requires time. If you dont have time to spare, make time.”
I am always the kind to never have plans. I believe that conquering the day as it passes by has helped me be a hopeful human being. And it was a great trait I believe for someone to be always looking for what’s next and actually expecting the next episode of your life. But lately, as time passes by,I feel like having unplanned days had led to me just being dragged by the current of everyday living. With nowhere to go, I started to feel like a stray log waiting for the end of the flow or waiting for me to be washed on the bank of a river.
During this trying times,I have cried a couple of times especially when I heard the news of my father being diagnosed with coronary disease. A few days after, he had a heart attack. The feeling I felt that day was so heartbreaking I might shed a tear or two just by remembering it. Another heartbreak crashes on me when we heard that we need to raise money worth a million pesos just to pay for his hospitalization. With my thoughts wary and my soul extremely tired, I decided to go home after my dad had settled in his private room. There at my own bathroom while showering, I started to cry myself out. I didn’t know what else to do so I started crying and weeping while praying for things to be over. I felt my pride and my whole being was shattered. During that time, I know that allowing myself to feel the pain helped me cope up and face things more courageously. I thought I wouldnt have time to weep, that I should busy myself in finding solutions to my problems. But as soon as I was able to let go of my feelings,I felt lighter and more stronger. βΊοΈ There, I learned that allowing yourself to have time to feel weak makes you capable of storing more strength than you thought you already have.
“Self love doesnt mean only you. It also means cultivating your relationships”.
Sometimes, your road to self-love could make you self centered. And adding that to your negative traits may be hard to love yourself even more. Self love means knowing how to value yourself and not thinking of yourself every time. I love having alone time but that doesnt mean I am not comfortable with people. I love talking to people and learning from them.Cultivating relationships are same as handling plants. You invest time, love, money and patience. It will never be easy as storms may pass by, but ensuring that everybody is secure and you have means to communicate, everything will be alright. ο
ps. always do things with love β€οΈ
socials:
blog: http://www.iammerrylann.wordpress.com
instagram: @iammerrylann
facebook: Merryl Ann Tan
like, comment and subscribe on my youtube channel πΉπΉclick on the link belowπ₯³β€οΈβ£οΈ
2019 – one of the year that challenges me, physically, emotionally and spiritually is ticking its last days as the new year fast approaches. As I wrote this blog, I am closing my 2019 chapter with alot of hope and gratitude. Hope that the coming years will mold a much better version of me and gratitude that despite all the hardships I’ve encountered, I am still here facing the end with a happy smile.Every year since I started blogging, I’ll wrote a post describing what a particular year has given me. I recall calling 2019 as a year of realizations and fulfillment of dreams. It was in a way. π Some went right but alot of things I expected to happen also wasn’t accomplished. I was disappointed, yes, I do felt that this past year but realizing that some of your plans are not included in God’s plan for you makes me realize that not all things you wish to happen, will always happen. Sometimes it may be too much to ask for or it’s just not really part of your destined path. Its like lifting that burden on yourself of being too strict on your goals and just make your way through whats really meant for you.2019 was a tough year because I’ve experienced alot of losses too. I’ve lost some valuable friends, whom I thought would be permanent in my life. I accepted it fully now that I see them living their lives apart from mine. Some losses are devastating but some are also good. I learned that people stay on your lives because they want to. You never have to push yourself for them to be there for you. If they want to be there in the first place, they would have never left. Sometimes, people have to be gone for you to grow and that speaks alot on 2019 for me.This year, I also got my first job and I was so happy. Despite all my struggles, 2019 also gave the best joys I have ever felt. It was this year that I also became a drug analyst. Another achievement for my career as a Medical Technologist. β€So many has happened from the 365 days of this year but I am thankful that I came out stronger than before. I learned that fear is not the absence of courage but a tool to find one. Courage is not about plunging yourself into every battlefield but choosing one that is worth your time and effort.Peace is gained by a content heart. And you are free to change to a newer better version of yourself. 2019 truly has been a fruitful year. May 2020 bring us hope of a kinder future, a bolder path and a prosperous journey.Goodbye, old sweet 2019 ππ₯° May the rains you bring, nurture my soul and prepare me for what 2020 has to offer. And may the seeds I’ve planted grow into a fruitful tree. π thank you Lord for an amazing year!
Love, Merryl Ann 