Love, Merryl Ann

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Becoming THE OCEAN

**“Because only then will the river know that it is not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming an ocean.”**

Have you ever had this feeling wherein you are in between crossroads of things you once loved and embracing new things you “think” you would love? The past and the future eating up your thoughts like ants crowding candies on the floor? Too chaotic, yes and a bit unnerving to say the least.

It was like a big realization for me when I decided to leave my current work and pursue a different career path. I am in-between of things I am used to and exploring something new. By this time I was writing this, all I could think about is “am I doing the right thing?” And all that my mind could fathom as an answer is a slight nudge to my heart asking, “ are you happy right now?” And this question answers alot of things for me. Happiness, yes, a fleeting feeling that all of us is rooting for. I know it is not easy to find happiness in this fucked-up world. But, I want myself to enjoy the things I have, and not ask myself if this is worth it? Am I worth it? I want to be in the position wherein my decisions are solely of my own and not by so called ‘standards’.

I have people in my previous work whom I love and trust and there are some whom I had some petty fights but still reconcile in the end. There are people I am closed with that I look up to spending times eventhough we will grew apart. And all of these, I embrace because it has been a hella great experience still. Its like being a river and my soul being its water. Continously flowing and growing by passing each curves and riverstones along the way. And just like any river that flows, when it comes to the end, where the river meets the ocean, it is kinda scary. And yes, it truly is this situation. And right now, I decided to close my eyes and embrace this.

Yes, I am scared because when I join the ocean, it means being part of something totally different from what I accustomed to. Being the ocean requires opening up to a wide space that will make up a new you. Soon, I have to make my own waves and be THE ocean too.

And by becoming, it is in moments like this that breaking is a must. I may break, lose and scatter but I know that this phase is only the beginning. After all this chaotic thoughts and feelings will come the mending. I may or may not be making the wisest decision but I pray that I could be proud I did my best. My mending will be my becoming. My becoming will be the answer to the first question.

Going back is impossible.

In truth and in existence, there is no other way, and the river cannot return. The river needs to accept its nature and enter the ocean. I once was the river. But now I must become the ocean.

SMSI LABORATORY CHRISTMAS PARTY 12/21/2023

Featured

Isang Tula Para Sayo, Sa Akin o Sa Kanya

Hello mga ka-pluma, ito’y isang tula na aking ginawa habang bukas pa ang oras sa mga bagay na nagpapaligaya ng puso’t isipan. Mahirap din pala magsulat ng tagalog. Matagal narin kasi simula ng sumulat ako gamit ang lenggwahe na ito.

Minsan kapag ang isip ay mabilis ang takbo, ang pagsulat ang aking paraan para mabigyang buhay ang aking isipan. Sana ay inyo pong magustuhan ☺️

Huwag seryosohin. Maaring ito’y may kahulugan sa inyo, sa akin or may taong pinatutungkulan ito. Ako lamang ang nakakaalam 😝

Nagmamahal,

Ikaw Na Nga Ba?

Minsan may darating,

Yung tipong sanay kana sa dilim

Ngaun parang bituin na magnining ning

Kukulayan ang mga araw na naghihintay nalang magtakip silim

Pagka’t sa gabi’y mahimbing at payapa ang isip

Walang ibang gagawin kundi matulog o manindim

Ngunit ngayon, gising na hanggang magliwayway

Iniisip kung bakit, ako at ikaw ay magkawalay

Ikaw na nga ba? Ang tala ko sa dilim at umaga

Yung kahit anong problema’y kayang kaya

Dahil alam kong sumusuporta at andyan ka

Palaging may pabiling ingat at kamusta ka?

Nais kong malaman kung tama ba ang nararamdaman

Tayo ba’y nagkakaintindihan o ako lang itong narahuyo lang

Kasi mahirap pakawalan ang puso

Tapos mahuhulog lang at mabibigo

Ikaw na nga ba? Ang musikang magpapaganda?

Sa takbo ng buhay, madalas akong mawala sa linya

Di maintindihan saan pupunta, kaliwa,kanan, o aabante na..

Pero bakit simula ng makilala kita, mga yapak ng paa ko’y sigurado na..

Sana ikaw na nga ang natatangi kong paraluman

Isang malaking palaisipan, buhay pag ibig nga naman,

Walang sigurado, lahat nag aabang sa magiging kwento

Pero tataya ako basta malaman ko saki’y seryoso

Puso’y di basta basta ibibigay sa kahit sino,

Sana’y bigyang sagot ang tanong kong ito,

Mahirap makiramdam pero sisikapin ko

Ikaw na nga ba? Sana tama ako.

It takes two to be strangers

What does it mean by being introverted? Was it part of my being? was it necessary? To answer these questions, I came to realize it wasn’t just me. These thoughts are running at the back on my mind.

Entering adult life has been a huge thing in my life lately. I have been in a constant search of my own personality and who I truly am as a person. Along the way I came to realize that not everyone fits into my own world and I am slowly learning that I am bound to lose someone somewhere along my journey. I am not trying to tell you that this is the standard thing for growth and adulthood, I just want to share to you guys my thoughts regarding this fall out, something that happened recently. So lets go down the memorylane..

Back in 2022, I met someone at work and it was a start of a good friendship. We hangout a lot and since she was a jolly personality, we instantly get along fast. The last thing I know, we were inseparable. We ate lunch together, I do errands with her and even go out during our day offs, she basically became my favorite buddy at work, that was until we had a fight on some petty thing related to work. Me, being a Capricorn, it was in my nature to always make sure to perform the job well. I am being strict with that and I can’t help but lose my temper when my colleagues does not mind the work well. I put an effort and I expected them to do it as well. Well that was my first mistake. I admit I was kinda petty during that time but her reaction afterwards made me think back if she is really a friend, A little misunderstanding for some reason really got into my nerves I was surprised my hands were shaking, I am basically teary eyed with her accusations towards me. Yes, I call it ‘accusations’ because the tone of the message implied I am doing her wrong which I didnt intend to do. Moving forward, I decided to let it go. I had faults in that situation and I admit it, I moved on.

Fast forward to days and months after our first fall out, I started feeling uncomfortable towards her. She always asks me if I am angry even though I am just minding myself in the corner. Mind you, I am an introvert so I seldom talk and I do have my solo moments. I get tired about her questions. The things we did together before wasn’t that fun anymore. I lose interest. I was thinking why but after a careful introspection, I came to realize that I lost my trust towards her. And that is a big thing for me.

I have lots of colleagues and seasonal friends but I rarely consider one as true friend. Someone I can be comfortable with my guards down and someone who I trust would not judge me when I’m at my worst. I once thought she could be that. Until I was proven wrong.

They always said that, a friend would not make you feel like an outsider. But I felt it more than once with her. That is basically the end of my reaching out. Maybe we arent really meant to be friends but just coworkers. And as open minded as I am, I respect that. We are not everyone’s cup of tea. So why I am writing this? This is simple an ode to myself that eventhough you lose a friend, it wasn’t just your fault. Its just what it is. Maybe this disconnection is a precautionary measure to prevent future uncomfortableness. That you are meant to have your own path.

Fellow readers, this is a reminder that As your goals shifted, your circle will be changed too. If you ever experience these kind of things always remember to find the lesson in this episode of your life. Learn and grow. Growth is a result of breaking out of something and in this life, make this an opportunity to be better and stronger. You may lose one but you gain you. And sometimes, it’s worth it. You are worth it.

Adios!

When it rains, It pours

The rain pours. And so is my feelings as it continue to flow in my heart, into my mind and now, unto the keyboards of my phone to you, my reader.

I am feeling devastated today for some reasons I cant fathom. Like sleeping last night thinking why Moi and Jason broke up? To waking up looking blankly at my ceiling then working myself to start the day with coffee. And then in the morning, I came late to work with only a minute past the time.. a minute and three seconds to be exact.

This day wasn’t a good day. I feel it at the beginning of the hour as it ticked but then it is June 1st, and me writing is the first of the good thing that is happening right now. Oh, Then another bad thing, our scheduled badminton hangout with friends got cancelled too. 🥹 See, my thoughts are getting messed up and the train of ideas keep on swimming in my mind. I think writing this is a good thing. Atleast it doesn’t overwhelm me now.

One thing I liked about rain, it is the time where my ideas flow freely. I find myself being calm when it rains. For me, the saying that, “when it rain, it pours” is truly an accurate metaphor. Right now, i don’t even know what to write first, how am i these past weeks? I cant even remember. My emotions do come and go. And i sometimes feel like getting professional help could be a good thing. Is it normal to be so down these past months, then feeling nothing the next, then overthinking, random anxieties and never ending loneliness keeps coming back. It is a never ending roller coaster for me. I think these started when my father got hospitalized. I guess almost losing someone does things to you too. I cant stop overthinking. Yes, I am a born over-thinker. I know that because I am a Capricorn but it gets worst now. Too worse it affects every decisions in my life.

As I feel the cold breeze through my skin, I cant deny the fact that I grew a-bit lonely these pandemic. Less interactions with people had caused me to be wary of crowds. I cant even have a decent group discussions with my workmates. I am with them but my mind sometimes doesn’t. I sometimes do things then forgot doing it. My memories sometimes get clouded too. Is this normal? I even grew quieter with my family too.

Fast forward to now, its June 29, almost a month after I write those first 2 paragraphs. Not the same day but feelings do stay. It is quite different now though. I feel a bit lighter now. Maybe my emotions do fit the seasons. Or it depends if I eat right and sleep enough? Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyways, tomorrow is a no work day for me, I am contemplating whether I want to go somewhere or just stay at home. But this wanderlust is on and I do want to travel even for just a day. I’m thinking pf tagaytay 😊 or maybe just treat myself to a movie 🤔 i’ll just probably update you guys on my next writing. For now, just be reminded that days pass by and so are feelings. My sentiments last june 1st are quite different compared to today. But always remember to always hope for the best no matter what. Always try to seek for the rainbow at the end of each passing storm. You are awesome and you do great everyday. 😘

Lovelots,

Rryl 🌈

Roses are not usually Pink ❤️💚

It is May 5, 2022 today and it will be 4 days before the election starts. The calm before the storm. Yes, it is indeed. This upcoming elections has been talked alot lately in social media, on television, on radios and even on dinner with family and friends. Who are you going to vote? The most frequent question asked nowadays. As for me, I will trust my instincts as I did before, 🥀☘️. Roses aren’t usually pink after all. And I like greeneries too. 😝 Hahahaha kidding aside, I know many people would judge my decisions they (kakamPINKS) might even bash my mental capacity and so called ‘moral integrity’ as most of them do. But it is what it is. Not everyone will be aligned to your way of thinking. And I am not really a fan of mainstream media too.

Okay, why am I writing this now? Well, I just could not hold still the fact that some of my friends and even loved ones are being manipulated into thinking that politicians are saints,martyrs and angels sent from heaven. I’ve been an avid reader of world politics ever since I was young that I know for sure that if a candidate is too good to be true, it has something to do with manipulation. If cameras are pointing too much on their presence, it is a campaign and not sincere. If funds keep coming (even though they say its volunteer work), more likely, compromises are at stake. And most of it would be claimed once you are put into position. I am not gonna attack a candidate’s character because that will be too low. But I would bet that being a front to the masses will surely tie her a great deal on those who are pursuing this campaign (the aristocrats who fronted her on media) therefore, her promises would mean nothing to those who rally with her but to those whose money was used to make it happen.

So here are some of the questions I have ever-since she started VP that I hope you’ll take into consideration too just before you shade her name. (Just making sure you know what is at stake)

When her husband died, former DILG sec Jessie Robredo, (here’s a link from Al Jazeera), https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2012/8/20/philippine-top-minister-feared-dead-in-crash the reports of corruption and ill governance of Pnoy administration (under 🌼 dilawan) was silenced too. All reports leading to his investigations died with him on that crash. I was reading reports of our local newspapers and they all mentioned how unreliable and unprofessional the pilots are which led to his death. But i’ll say that this circumstances are fishy. After a few years, she still remained silent and become part of the partylist his husband is investigating against for corruption. (Honestly, i still believe she just won because of the fame his husband’s death has caused and of course with the help of her 🌼 partylist) also see how her name only emerged after his husband’s death? Search for records of her involvement in politics in 2000s there is minimal to none, all was posted 2018 up to present.
Search for Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew and his presscon regarding Marcos. Do not just rely on our media (i never trust our own news company. If I want to know something, I search foreign news and those with unbiased facts)I know years of “woke” culture have seeded alot of doubt on many people regarding Marcos regime. But it has a lot of golden days too. There’s just too many people clouding facts about it and lies have been repeated over the years that it was perceived as the truth.
Look for MNLF leader Nur Misuari, a muslim leader who experienced killings of his own kind by soldiers under Marcos Administration. He experienced firsthand the killings of hundred of his Tausug members and admitted he had bad experiences under Marcos governance but he still insist that “the fault of the father should not be inherited by the son and vice versa”. This man lost alot during that time but still pursue to support Marcos today. This means alot Because unlike most people, he isnt narrowminded to point fingers on people who wasn’t even involved during that time. What made him do it? Faith. He have faith that Marcos Jr could lead TODAY regardless of his fathers faults in the past. Heres a brief background https://themuslim500.com/profiles/nur-misuari/ but i recommend you do your own research. And when I say research, do not focus on the latest years but the root of it all so you could understand everything.
The 203 B has been a hot topic online and I just want to reiterate that as PROFESSIONALS have clarified, it is an ESTATE TAX, meaning (https://www.bir.gov.ph/index.php/tax-information/estate-tax.html#et1) Estate Tax is a tax on the right of the deceased person to transmit his/her estate to his/her lawful heirs and beneficiaries at the time of death and on certain transfers, which are made by law as equivalent to testamentary disposition. It is not a tax on property. It is a tax imposed on the privilege of transmitting property upon the death of the owner. The Estate Tax is based on the laws in force at the time of death notwithstanding the postponement of the actual possession or enjoyment of the estate by the beneficiary. This is the primary reason why the Marcoses cannot pay this tax. Because it will be lowkey admitting that they are entitled to the inheritances that the government has labeled as “ill gotten wealth”. If the government pursues to ask to get it paid, they would have to admit that these are inheritances of the Marcoses and it has to be legally transferred to them.
Targeting a persons character, says alot more of the mouth that feeds it rather than the opposite. Why not let people see the flaws? Why ‘educate’ to the point of literally feeding it to them that raises negative emotions rather than rational thinking? If a person deliberately want other person to fail, he/she wants something for thyself. Look into her actions under the current administrations, her relations and people around her. Look at the society that surrounds her. Dig deeper and not relay only on flyers.
I am not a fan of manipulation nor do I intend to apply it to this post. I am merely stating that POLITICS is a dirty game. Just as a movie portrays, a great heist could be planned years before it happen. So it is best to dig in more to distinguished the truth from the lies. Look for different angle of stories. Look for others involved. For example: Look also for Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile and his testimonies during martial law. Watch his interviews and listen to his testaments. Think.

Do not just believe everything laid before you. If the information is too easy to be obtained, it is more likely being fed to you. Do not just search for Leni Robredo or Ferdinand Marcos Jr. Search for other people involved and get to the root of it all. Because the consistency of a story lies on the play between the characters not on its summarized version. It is tiring I know. I was tired too. There are too many points that cannot fit into this post. But I have this mindset because of years of watching, reading and analyzing things. I am not an expert but I am a reader. I am just a wallflower but also a watcher. I do not just follow. I think.

Whatever happens post May 9, I will stand my ground on my decision. We may have to wait for 6 more years to know who is telling the truth. But I can say in my heart that my decision came purely out of what I think my country needs. No political power involved, no mainstream media domination, no imposition. This is what my stand is. I respect yours but do respect mine as well.

❤️💚

Roses aren’t usually Pink ❤️💚

So here are some of the questions I have ever-since she started VP that I hope you’ll take into consideration too just before you shade her name. (Just making sure you know what is at stake)

When her husband died, former DILG sec Jessie Robredo, (here’s a link from Al Jazeera), https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2012/8/20/philippine-top-minister-feared-dead-in-crash the reports of corruption and ill governance of Pnoy administration (under 🌼 dilawan) was silenced too. All reports leading to his investigations died with him on that crash. I was reading reports of our local newspapers and they all mentioned how unreliable and unprofessional the pilots are which led to his death. But i’ll say that this circumstances are fishy. After a few years, she still remained silent and become part of the partylist his husband is investigating against for corruption. (Honestly, i still believe she just won because of the fame his husband’s death has caused and of course with the help of her 🌼 partylist) also see how her name only emerged after his husband’s death? Search for records of her involvement in politics in 2000s there is minimal to none, all was posted 2018 up to present.
Search for Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew and his presscon regarding Marcos. Do not just rely on our media (i never trust our own news company. If I want to know something, I search foreign news and those with unbiased facts)I know years of “woke” culture have seeded alot of doubt on many people regarding Marcos regime. But it has a lot of golden days too. There’s just too many people clouding facts about it and lies have been repeated over the years that it was perceived as the truth.
Look for MNLF leader Nur Misuari, a muslim leader who experienced killings of his own kind by soldiers under Marcos Administration. He experienced firsthand the killings of hundred of his Tausug members and admitted he had bad experiences under Marcos governance but he still insist that “the fault of the father should not be inherited by the son and vice versa”. This man lost alot during that time but still pursue to support Marcos today. This means alot Because unlike most people, he isnt narrowminded to point fingers on people who wasn’t even involved during that time. What made him do it? Faith. He have faith that Marcos Jr could lead TODAY regardless of his fathers faults in the past. Heres a brief background https://themuslim500.com/profiles/nur-misuari/ but i recommend you do your own research. And when I say research, do not focus on the latest years but the root of it all so you could understand everything.
The 203 B has been a hot topic online and I just want to reiterate that as PROFESSIONALS have clarified, it is an ESTATE TAX, meaning (https://www.bir.gov.ph/index.php/tax-information/estate-tax.html#et1) Estate Tax is a tax on the right of the deceased person to transmit his/her estate to his/her lawful heirs and beneficiaries at the time of death and on certain transfers, which are made by law as equivalent to testamentary disposition. It is not a tax on property. It is a tax imposed on the privilege of transmitting property upon the death of the owner. The Estate Tax is based on the laws in force at the time of death notwithstanding the postponement of the actual possession or enjoyment of the estate by the beneficiary. This is the primary reason why the Marcoses cannot pay this tax. Because it will be lowkey admitting that they are entitled to the inheritances that the government has labeled as “ill gotten wealth”. If the government pursues to ask to get it paid, they would have to admit that these are inheritances of the Marcoses and it has to be legally transferred to them.
I am not a fan of manipulation nor do I intend to apply it to this post. I am merely stating that POLITICS is a dirty game. Just as a movie portrays, a great heist could be planned years before it happen. So it is best to dig in more to distinguished the truth from the lies. Look for different angle of stories. Look for others involved. For example: Look also for Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile and his testimonies during martial law. Watch his interviews and listen to his testaments. Think.

Do not just believe everything laid before you. If the information is too easy to be obtained, it is more likely being fed to you. Do not just search for Leni Robredo or Ferdinand Marcos Jr. Search for other people involved and get to the root of it all. Because the consistency of a story lies on the play between the characters not on its summary. It is tiring I know. I was tired too. There are too many points that cannot fit into this post. But I have this mindset because of years of watching, reading and analyzing things. I am not an expert but I am a reader. I am just a wallflower but also a watcher. I do not just follow. I think.

❤️💚

Don’t want to be Atlas

Sigh. Sigh. Deep constant breaths. Exhale. Pause. Thoughts running around my mind. Down mood. Problems, problems, problems. I am constantly having this feeling of anxiety and stress over my mind.

Sometimes, no, most of the time I imagine my life to be different from what it is now. I am constantly thinking that I am in a different place, different identity, different soul. Maladaptive Daydreaming, yes, I also think I have my mental health in poor condition. I wanted to get out of this feeling. I want to get out of this helplessness. I want to leave my constant problems and be done with everything.

But then, what will my life be after giving up everything? I have no other life aside from this. I was thinking hard about it. My dream? whats my real dream? Is it medicine? Is it blogging? I am still not sure. Maybe I will never be sure and thats the reality of life. You’ll never know until you try. You’ll never know until its already laid before you. Right now, all I know is, I dont want my current disposition. I wanna be free. Free to roam around, just be passive about everything. I want to meet real friends.. Friends who’ll uplift me, encourage me, and spend life with. I want constant companion. I want love. I am tired of fighting alone my hardships. I’m tired of making mistakes and be surrounded with people who put you down.

Enough. Easy to say but hard to achieve. Maybe enough is never real. Because in life, nothing seems enough. Your effort isn’t enough. Money isn’t enough. I just want to lift my wings. I dont want to be atlas. I dont want to carry the burden all by myself. Why cant I be happy. For once? Please.

When I look in the mirror, I cant see who I am. All i see is an empty shell. Maybe it is a reflection of what I feel. For years, its only been me. I know the burden and I cant really pass it to anyone else. It is me after all. Maybe I am destined to be alone. Maybe.

To my dreams, I think it will be long for you and I to meet. I dont even know if I’ll see the end of it. It breaks my heart. I know my younger self is crying in a corner asking me why its taking so long. I ask myself that too. Why?…

Because I still need to be Atlas. I need to carry not only me but my family as well. I have to set aside myself for now. It doesn’t matter right now. Because Atlas was born to endure. Atlas has to be strong.

Fck. I dont want to be Atlas. But damn, I have to.

#1amthoughts

#freeingmyheartandmind

Getting the Covid vaccine in the Philippines (Sinovac)

Hello guys. Its been so long since I updated my blog and I am guilty of not putting too much attention to it lately ✌️

But even so, just like my goal for writing, I have here a more informative story to feature and it is all about my experience getting the Covid vaccine (Sinovac). I know there has been a lot of controversies surrounding the availability of vaccines for Covid19 in the Philippines, mainly because after over a year of going through this pandemic, we are one of the countries in the southeast asia to be the last to get ahold of the vaccines that were available even before 2020 ends. There has been alot of doubt, fear and uncertainty that has been put in the hearts of my fellow countrymen as this year starts to unravel.

And as far as the negative stigma of the Filipinos about China, I do understand the uncertainty the masses are feeling towards the effectivity of their vaccine and the motive behind donating large amount of vaccine to our country, the Philippines. As what the press portrays and make people believe, as part of the eyes that watch the media, we were all made to second guess what this play is all about. But as far as I understand, accepting the vaccines that are much easy to handle (storage conditions, shipping, etc) and are given free (not all but atleast a handful) is a much acceptable decision than wait for vaccines that will take too long to arrive and has a much critical (storage conditions, shipping, etc) and more expensive to avail. Remember that these vaccines are given for free by the government and as far as our population goes, we are hundred of millions that are waiting to be vaccinated.

As I look closer into a lot of researches,I come upon the information regarding Sinovac and here is what I have gathered:

Link of full article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/world-asia-china-55212787

Just like what I am saying, Sinovac, is much easier to store with only a required storage condition at 2-8°c while Moderna requires a -20°c and Pfizer at -70°c. Being someone who works in a laboratory, I know that meeting the storage conditions of Moderna and Pfizer is too costly and may not be a good investment.Because on top of availing the vaccine, the government would have additional costs for obtaining ultralow freezers and medical freezers that can cost millions. It wouldn’t be hard to say that the government will lose a lot of money with no return since they are giving the vaccines for free.

Yes, in terms of efficiency, here is a tabulated data for clear comparison:

Okay, so with these data, I hope you guys would consider getting vaccinated too. 50% protection is better than nothing at all. To reiterate more my experience here are some photos I took when I got the vaccine.

Let me explain the pictures and tell what my experience was during that day. 😘 So, I got my vaccine on March 4,2021, Thursday afternoon, 3pm at Sta. Ana Hospital. Upon arrival, we were already holding our waiver because we already presigned at a link (https://www.manilacovid19vaccine.com/home.php) and printed a copy. After showing the waiver, we were asked to fall in line for the first step:

1. we were checked for blood pressure and other vital signes before proceeding with the next step. I was personally interviewed by a doctor there and was instructed of the do’s and don’ts after getting the vaccine. Also, you will be asked if you had any severe allergic reactions to any drug or vaccines and etc. The doctor will check for your history.

2. they checked if we are already pre registered and validate the information we provide on the link. once everything is validated we proceed on getting the vaccine.

3. the vaccination was quite easy. I personally didnt feel any pain while they are administering the vaccine. here’s the actual video:

after the shot,you can feel kinda sleepy. some people I know felt dizzy for a short time. but other than that, I didn’t have any symptoms. ☺️ its been two days and no other adverse effects on me. 😁

Eventhough I have the vaccine,I still use facemasks and faceshield whenever I’m at work or going out in public places. Since not everyone has the vaccine,it will be safe for you and for the people around you if we still stick to the protocol. Again,pls consider getting the vaccine. It is our only door to ease into getting back tonormal again. Little by little,let’s extend our hands together and help the government in fighting this pandemic. ❤️❤️

That’s all I’d like to share. the choice is still up to you folks! But pls choose wisely and with consideration for others❣️❣️❣️

ps. always do things with love ❤️

socials:
blog: http://www.iammerrylann.wordpress.com
instagram: @iammerrylann
facebook: Merryl Ann Tan

Take care of yourself first, then everything will follow 💝

Hi loves! How are you today? I am writing again in this blog and will be sharing with you some realizations I have this past month, weeks, days I’ve been MIA.

Today, I would like to talk about self love because I often forgot these key details too. From being busy to work and indulging too much on social media, I often forgot the littlest things that actually matter. It was constantly being forgotten until I myself experience breakdowns, stress, and discomforts that made me look back to these things and sought for peace.First, lets talk about our mental health. How are you dealing with it? Mine was unhealthy because I constantly have these destructive thoughts in my head I would just put in the corner of my mind. But one thing I always did wrong is ignoring it, until it comes back again. That simple thing we do can actually destroy the peace we put so much effort to acquire. Why? Because we are not dealing with it properly. When I was Being attacked by my own thoughts, I secluded myself from other people not knowing that this will just drown me even more. Isolation is not a good remedy for this kind of situation, trust me. I’ve been there a couple of times and it will only make me sad even more. The thing is, if you are feeling down, the best thing to do is to interact with people, be with someone who could make you happy and bring smile to your face.

Love. And love. Until you are used to it. Fill yourself with love and give some back. 💕

Photo art credits to the owner

✌Aside from loving, you also have to know how to reciprocate the care properly. What am I saying? Well, loving someone can be done in hundreds of ways, from cooking their delicious food, taking care of them, praying for them. What I am saying is.. love comes in different forms and it’s important to know how to do it properly in the healthiest way possible. Because loving can also be tiring, there is also quite a thin line between love and hate. And for you to take care of yourself, you have to know these few things.

First, to love someone, you must first have to be whole. Cliche, and most probably the most used quote about loving but let us talk deep on it. Going into a relationship and not knowing every bit of yourself can be troublesome not only to your partner but can be destructive to you too. Why? because relationships require full commitment from each partners. Being half-hearted could ruin what could have been a beautiful love story.

Second, loving yourself requires a strong mind, a brave heart and a tireless soul. Building yourself up is not easy. Especially if you are raise in a not so loving environment. It is true that not all are dealt with the right cards growing up. Some have undergone abuse, rejections and trauma in all sorts of way and these individuals doesn’t know how to love their self specifically. Even a normal individual can have a hard time acquiring self-love. It is somehow vague to discuss but things like uplifting yourself, knowing your worth, encouraging your passions and involving yourself in things you love can help on your road to self love.Third, please follow your dreams. No one can ever satisfy you with broken dreams. You will have lots of regret not doing what you dreamed to do. So give yourself a huge favor and chase after what you love, and do it. Do not rest until things go your way. It will be tough and there will be times that you will be on your knees but make it worth the wait,the struggle and the pain. Nothing worth having comes easy. So be brave to try 🥰

Fourth, travel more often. Alone or with a group, travelling is a refreshing activity. It boosts your soul in ways you could not imagine possible. Go to the beach, hike a mountain, explore any cities around the world. Not all have the time and ways to do so but please make it a habit to try. You may find yourself enjoying a beautiful sunset, a vast ocean, or even a good restaurant. The world is vast and there’s always more to explore. 🥰

ps. always do things with love ❤️socials:
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Loving yourself means unloving things

hey guys, its been awhile. As I was typing this on my phone,I realized how I badly needed this time to release all the thoughts that has been locked up this year. 2020 is so f*cked up in so many ways that I honestly feel that going back to my usual seems just an ideal.
Back on the first quarter of the year, I realized that writing is something I would have wanted to continue growing in as I explore my skills and capabilities in freeing my thoughts through words. But as days passed, turned into months, I find that I seriously have no free time to even write a single paragraph nor fill my schedule for a blog post. Time passes and I honestly completely forgot my goals that I set for myself and my blogging earlier this year. So I am back with some thoughts regarding self love that I have learned in this toxic days.

“Self-love requires time. If you dont have time to spare, make time.”

I am always the kind to never have plans. I believe that conquering the day as it passes by has helped me be a hopeful human being. And it was a great trait I believe for someone to be always looking for what’s next and actually expecting the next episode of your life. But lately, as time passes by,I feel like having unplanned days had led to me just being dragged by the current of everyday living. With nowhere to go, I started to feel like a stray log waiting for the end of the flow or waiting for me to be washed on the bank of a river.

During this trying times,I have cried a couple of times especially when I heard the news of my father being diagnosed with coronary disease. A few days after, he had a heart attack. The feeling I felt that day was so heartbreaking I might shed a tear or two just by remembering it. Another heartbreak crashes on me when we heard that we need to raise money worth a million pesos just to pay for his hospitalization. With my thoughts wary and my soul extremely tired, I decided to go home after my dad had settled in his private room. There at my own bathroom while showering, I started to cry myself out. I didn’t know what else to do so I started crying and weeping while praying for things to be over. I felt my pride and my whole being was shattered. During that time, I know that allowing myself to feel the pain helped me cope up and face things more courageously. I thought I wouldnt have time to weep, that I should busy myself in finding solutions to my problems. But as soon as I was able to let go of my feelings,I felt lighter and more stronger. ☺️ There, I learned that allowing yourself to have time to feel weak makes you capable of storing more strength than you thought you already have.

“Self love doesnt mean only you. It also means cultivating your relationships”.

Sometimes, your road to self-love could make you self centered. And adding that to your negative traits may be hard to love yourself even more. Self love means knowing how to value yourself and not thinking of yourself every time. I love having alone time but that doesnt mean I am not comfortable with people. I love talking to people and learning from them.Cultivating relationships are same as handling plants. You invest time, love, money and patience. It will never be easy as storms may pass by, but ensuring that everybody is secure and you have means to communicate, everything will be alright. 

ps. always do things with love ❤️

socials:
blog: http://www.iammerrylann.wordpress.com
instagram: @iammerrylann
facebook: Merryl Ann Tan

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